My Turning-Thirty-Freakout

Towards the end of the year I will be thirty. Thirty. That’s three whole decades of heartbeats and 10,950 days of breathing in and out.

For someone who is approaching halfway to sixty (Eeep!) I really haven’t done all that much with my life. I know it’s all comparative, there will always be people who have accomplished more than me and there will always be people who have accomplished less but I can’t help but feel that I have come up short with where I should be at my age. Am I being too critical of myself or am I simply being realistic? Either way, as the months roll on I can’t help but look at where I am, where I have started from and wonder where I am headed.

While I have learnt a fair bit in my life (for example, cats really don’t appreciate you trying to play peek-a-boo with them when you’re bored but are masterful in staring contests, oh and, for anyone who was wondering, a watched pot does in fact boil… it just seems to take forever) I’ve still got a lot to experience and figure out for myself. All this reflection has led me to one conclusion; life can only evolve with choice and change. If you sit and wait for life to happen you barely get an existence. Sounds simple, right?

I have now reached a point in my life (possibly referred to as a pre-mid-life crisis) where I will have to make a choice. Do I stay in my monotonous daily routine (the one I love to hate because it’s familiar and comfortable) or do I make a break for it and run towards something new? I envy those who are free-spirited and go for their dreams. For me, it doesn’t feel simple. The idea of change is terrifying. Whether it’s a new job, a daring haircut or packing up your whole existence and moving to a new location it can be daunting, risky and… did I mention terrifying? Don’t get me wrong, I love daydreaming about making changes and leading different lives… putting it into action however, that’s the hard part.

I am so indecisive and hesitant to jump into anything without a safety net or backup plan that I quite often just keep plodding along. Which brings me to where I am at the moment. Eat, sleep, wake up, have a coffee, go to work, have another coffee, survive the work day with another coffee somewhere in the afternoon, crawl along in crappy… err… I mean… lovely peak hour traffic, get home, have yet another coffee because… well why the hell not, eat dinner, watch TV (which may or may not consist of Friends reruns and The Simpsons), sleep and repeat. Wow. When did this become my life?! (Secretly, I blame adulthood.)

Ok, now I feel like I could be a female version of Walter Mitty from the movie The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Hmmmm. Well then, that decides it! I’m going to Greenland to track down Sean O’Connell! But first, time for a coffee. Watch this space. Adventures to follow.

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