I should just point out that it wasn’t my choice to see this movie – and rightly so, because I don’t have many positive things to say about it.

SPOILERS!

The latest offering from Sacha Baron Cohen, known for his comedic-character roles as Borat and Ali G, comes in the form of Grimsby. Sacha plays Nobby, who teams up with his long lost MI6-agent brother Sebastian, a strong performance by Mark Strong, to clear his name and solve a crime. Well, that’s in layman’s terms anyway. You can pretty much learn everything you need to know from watching the trailer above.

I’m so sick of ridiculous comedies where the hero is a complete moron, who out of sheer luck stumbles on killing the bad guy and saving the day. I make reference to The Pink Panther and Johnny English, which this movie sits on par with in terms of plot points, laughs, stupidity, and character fails. Personally, I don’t find stupidity funny. I think majority of people in the world have at least some form of common sense – and to throw a welcome home party for a spy, when he’s trying to keep a low profile, is so unbelievably stupid!

I’m surprised by all the big names this movie was able to get. I can only imagine that they signed up before seeing a script of any kind. The movie opens on a pretty heavy sex scene between Cohen and Rebel Wilson, who I actually found mildly amusing as Dawn, Nobby’s lady friend and baby mama. Then it gets even more ridiculous. I can’t even think of how to put into a sentence all the ridiculous/disgusting moments in the movie, so I’m going to lead with dot points.

• Nobby having to suck the poison from Sebastian’s testicle, in various positions.
• Nobby and Sebastian hiding out inside an elephant.
• Elephant penis being inserted into elephant’s vagina, where they are hiding out.
• Making said elephant cum inside the elephant they’re hiding inside.
• Elephant ejaculation all over them as they hide out inside other elephant.
• Nobby and Sebastian hugging naked in the bathtub.
• Hairy vagina shot in scene.
• Nobby talking about the shit he just took.
• Arse crack. Lots and lots of arse crack.
• Lots of topless, overweight, sweaty men.
• Trying to stop the spread of a virus by inserting rockets into their anus’. Seriously, that’s how they save the day.
• Firing coins into Nobby’s rather expanded anus after that ^

The best thing about the movie, for me, were the agent scenes which were played out in an almost video game-esque way. They were filmed from the audience’s perspective, so you really feel like you’re the one chasing the bad guys, getting hit by cars etc. It’s quite a rush actually – and although, especially at the beginning, it felt like it went on for a bit too long – I liked the idea of trying to do something a little bit different. It is by no means a new idea, but I liked the use of the technique in this movie.

I also enjoyed the scenes with Nobby’s children – although completely politically incorrect, and the mouths on them are completely fowl. But nonetheless, I found humour in them all the same. I also enjoyed the flashbacks to Nobby and Sebastian as children. There was some heart there, which I found kind of touching.

The plot is pretty simple, and anyone with half a brain can see where the story is going. It doesn’t take a genius to guess the set ups. While it wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. At all. For any reason.

Also, what is Tasmin Egerton doing in this movie? She doesn’t say a word. I also don’t find any humour in making fun of Donald Trump or Daniel Radcliffe. I know some people will enjoy it – especially Donald’s haters – but there was kind of a shock, or gasp from the crowd when he “made” an appearance. I also don’t think AIDS or shooting a kid in a wheelchair – or throwing a kid in a wheelchair – is appropriate or funny. And if that makes me a prude, so be it.

Isn’t it time that we stop spending money on unintelligent, mindless “comedies” like these? Has Hollywood gone so downhill that creative ideas are no longer being made? The cycle needs to stop! I didn’t hear one person laugh in the whole cinema. Not one. At all. Spend your hard earned dollars somewhere else, folks. Stay far away from this disaster!