I’ve Been Watching Too Many Movies And Now My Brain Hurts

If my life was a movie the plot would not make a whole lot of sense. The scene changes would be epic and the settings a weird mix of eras and props. As the lead I would be a bundle of characters, the personality traits mashed together like an emotional patchwork mess.

I’d have the over-thinking of Girl Interrupted, the love of shopping from Confessions of a Shopaholic, the fondness of walking and the stubbornness out of Pride and Prejudice and the crazy excited “happy dance” moments from The Ugly Truth. What kind of movie would my life be? Now that’s tricky.

I’m almost certain the genre would get stuck on shuffle mode. It would flick from comedy to tragedy, to adventure, to mystery and suspense all at inappropriate moments (naturally). And the lead guy would turn out to be the wrong guy and exit right on cue in time for another scene change. This time the scene would be me drinking vodka shots and belting out Celine Dion songs Bridget Jones style before, wait for it… yes, you guessed it… another scene change, something out of a Sandra Bullock movie this time. Practical Magic tequila scene anyone?

Yes. If my life was a movie it would be a feature length montage of epically muddled proportions. Kind of like a toy train wreck meets bumper bar bowling on a go cart track. All set to the backing of Mario Kart music and Lamb Chops sing-a-long lyrics. Wow, that’s a lot of images. It’s a good thing my life is not a movie. And, luckily for the film industry, it’s also a good thing I’m not a movie director.

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